I’m paralyzed by fear. Fear that I’m making the wrong decisions. Fear that it isn’t the right time. Fear that I don’t have the right tools. Essentially fear of failure. It is a fear that is becoming more apparent as I learn more about myself and how “the laws” work. There’s something longing to come out of me, but I’m too afraid to experience what it has in store. Whatever that might be. Fear shouldn’t stop me, but it is stopping me. Right here and right now.
The fear is masked in preparation I once believed was solid movement. Searching for helpful guides, reading ebooks, watching YouTube tutorials, taking notes, jotting down lists and scheduling my days has taken up a majority of my time. I look busy and hold on to the comfort of being able to tell people that I’m working. Which is true. I am working. But this busy work isn’t exactly movement. It’s how I justify stalling and wallowing in my paralyzing fear. My gifts continue to go unnoticed by many, including myself.
In the meantime my bills go unpaid, my accounts accumulate overdraft fees, and my credit card is quickly approaching its limit. I know I don’t want to go back to work for anyone, which strategically places me between a rock and a hard place. I can once again be a miserable employee or I can get over this silly fear. Can’t live on unemployment forever. How else will I create the life I desire unless I get over this fear? How else will I step out and pursue my dreams? No one is stopping me but me and that is a scary thought, yet reassuring to know I have that control.
“They” say being paralyzed by fear is a lack of faith and respect for my unique purpose. If the vision has been handed to me as I am right now, there is nothing more that I need to get started. I am now all that I need to be in order to head towards my vision. As I move forward to the next step, the next level, I will be provided with what ever else I’ll need. I’ll learn what needs to be learned. And I’ll meet the people that need to be met. But all that doesn’t happened unless I move. That’s faith and that’s respect.
But how do I get there? How do I heal myself of this paralyzing fear? Passing this hurtle will make me stronger and conquering fear will become easier. I know it. But how? One thought that comes to mind is practice. Taking on tasks I’ve feared pursuing because I feared failing. Another thought is reevaluating my ideas surrounding failure. Failure, in my past, has meant more accumulated debt and wasted money. Two things I definitely cannot afford to have right now. But I can’t continue to expect failure to be something I can’t afford. Failure is a vital part of success. There are lessons in failure. There is growth and development in failure. There are things I need to obtain from failure. If I’m too afraid to fail, I’m too afraid to develop, grow and succeed. At least on the level I’m being called to do so.
I also must change my expectations. Lately I’ve been absorbing the work of Bob Proctor and Derek Rydell. Both say (what many master teachers have said) you’ll bring to you what you think about and what you expect. If you dwell on the worse, you’ll expect the worse and bring forth the worse. If you focus on the positives you’ll manifest positivity and good things as well as improve your expectations. This doesn’t mean that failure won’t happen, but I’ll no longer expect bad things to come of failure. As a speaker in “You Were Born Rich” mentioned, failures will no longer look like walls, but chances to open new doors. I should expect good and have faith that I’ll be taken care of no matter what the outcome.
Healing from paralyzing fear is practicing faith one “scary” task at a time. It is realizing there is plenty to be had and given with movement and much to lose with immobility. Healing involves seeing failure in a different light and welcoming it as a bearer of gifts instead of a robber of resources. It is settling with the fact that failure is an essential component of success. Healing from this paralyzing fear will be scary, but will get easier with each task. It is important to keep in mind, however, that movement is crucial and the only way to heal.
So I declare to conquer things that scare me. Starting with submitted query emails and letters to blogs and magazines. As well as starting my ebook and sharing these posts in more places.
Are you also paralyzed by your fear? Get started now. I am. It’s important.